The last time my face was completely whiskerless was a few days before leaving the employ of the Yosemite Park & Curry Company, way back in May of 1981. They had a no-facial-hair grooming policy (at least for the men; there were a few women who were in technical violation of said policy, but that’s a subject for another post).

In the intervening years I’ve sported many variations of the fuzzy-face motif – everything from a full beard to a little soul patch to the current modified goatee, but ALWAYS with a mustache. Every once in a while when trimming my patches of hair I get a little carried away and snip or shave off a little more than I had intended. Then I have to do the same on the other side of my face to ensure symetricality (?). It’s always been a challenge – I try to eyeball it, but my success has pretty much been determined by my then-companion’s gentle encouragement to ‘even things up a bit more’.

Now technology has come to the rescue in the form of two innovative tools:

The GoateeSaver

What could be simpler? Just adjust the knurled center rollers to the preferred width, hold this gizmo between your teeth like a football mouthpiece and trace around it with your razor! Never mind that you look like C-3PO from Star Wars while you’re doing it – who’s gonna see you? And anyway, wouldn’t it be worth it to be as precisely groomed as Jim Rome? Be sure to check out the video.

UPDATE 7/1/2010: Here’s a great deal from Goateesaver. If you decide you’d like one (or more – they make great gifts!), send an email to scott@goateesaver.com and let him know how many you want and mention that you saw it at randyphillips.net (send me a copy of that email as well – randyphilllips (at) gmail.com). If you order this way, you’ll get free shipping! That’ll save you five bucks or so (US orders only).

Slim Trim Razor

A pocket-protector/slide-rule-slinger’s dream come true.  Micrometer precision of the width of your muttonchops with the help of a couple of disposal razors hot-glued to the back of a caliper. Get a switchblade-sharp sideburn then turn around and gap your spark plugs, all with one handy tool!

Here’s the link to register for a free visit to a Disney Resort on your birthday! Go ahead – even if you don’t think you’d be able to take advantage of the offer, miracles do happen….

Between the proverbial rock and a hard place…

Do we approve the $1,000,000,000,000 bailout, absolving both bank and borrower from their greed and/or stupidity, essentially nationalizing the US financial markets, much as Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez has done for that nation’s telecom, electric and oil industries? Does this benefit the Democrats’ penchant for big government?

Or do we not bail out the banks, let them fail, allow massive foreclosure, taking the risk of a massive recession, throwing us all out of work, but maintaining the free enterprise system upon which this country has stood since its beginning? Can the Republicans figure out a way to make it work?

Is capitalism broken? Is socialism the answer?

I like freedom from government control, but II do like to eat and sleep in a bed, too. And I can only hold my head in my hands, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Scenes from a woman’s apartment – and this is one of the tamer shots,

Now I don’t feel so bad about my place…

How can anyone live like this? (pics)

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

(From thenation.com)

I’ve had some website hits from some interesting sources recently:

• One from the National Transportation Safety Board looking for pictures from the Chatsworth train wreck
• Anther from somewhere in Saudi Arabia, reading my post about my attempt to save gas by using public transit for my commute.
• Finally, some repeat visits from Louth in Ireland; the hits don’t come from a search engine or anything, it’s someone who purposely visits my humble website from time to time. Of course you are most welcome, it’s just piquing my curiosity!

In the midst of all this bad economic news, Mickey Mouse comes through in the clutch – Disneyland will be free on your birthday next year!

Disney’s U.S. parks to offer free birthday tickets | Lifestyle | Reuters

The Los Angeles County Fair is said to be the largest county fair in the entire United States – think of it as the SoCal version of Cal Expo. All the rides, exhibits, arts and crafts, agriculture, gardens, shows, farm animals – just more of it than anywhere else I’ve ever been. They have SIX buildings dedicated to commercial booths – SIX! And, of course, a specially-printed map of all the food booths on the fairgrounds. I’ve been boning up on all the fried foods available this year. Some sound (and look) great, some others – well not so much. Take a look at this gallery of gastronomic grandiosity!

Damage from Ike in the Galveston TX area is estimated to be between 8 and 18 BILLION dollars.

These images are incredible: The short – but eventful – life of Ike – The Big Picture – Boston.com

It’s Sunday night, and what is hopefully the final casualty count is in – 25 dead so far (8 of those from Simi Valley alone), 135 injured, 40 of those critically. Witnesses said the injuries were monstrous, with compound fractures of arms, legs, shoulders, crushed chests and faces. If a commuter’s legs were under the seat in front of him/her, both legs were broken. Seats looked like they were just tossed into the passenger car.

MetroLink spokesperson Denise Tyrrell announced on Saturday that blame should be placed on the MetroLink engineer (who was killed in the crash), who apparently ran a stop signal that would have kept him in the Chatsworth station until the freight train had passed. However, an eyewitness at the station said without a doubt in his mind that signal was green when the train pulled out headed for Simi Valley, Moorpark and points north toward its final destination of Ventura. The engineer had been specifically certified on this section of track and the 111 train was his regular run – he was reported to be very familiar with all aspects of signalling in the area.

I could scarcely believe my ears when I heard that the MetroLink spokesperson announced culpability on behalf of the commuter service so quickly, especially in the light of the final NTSB report still many months away. She also said that they were sorry and that it was important to be proactive about accepting blame so as to meet its community responsibility. In fact, the MetroLink board of directors themselves issued a statement saying that it was ‘withholding judgement. A union leader (although not connected with MetroLink employees) said that the assessment was ‘terribly premature’. What if the engineer had suffered some medical emergency and had become incapacitated? What if the signals were not operating properly? I wonder if that spokesperson, after being up all night long, essentially out there on her own, feeling anguish and horror in her own heart that human error may have been the root cause of the accident, may have taken on responsibilities ‘above her paygrade’ and had done more harm than good in wanting so desperately for the community to feel better somehow.

The facts will come out in the weeks and months ahead. This is the worst train disaster in over 50 years in Southern California. Logistically, Topanga Canyon Blvd. is still closed between Chatsworth Ave. and Hwy 118, where the offramps are still closed. MetroLink will be running a bus bridge from the Chatsworth Station to the Moorpark Station, with a stop at the Simi Valley Station in between.

UPDATE: On Monday the 15th KCBS-TV in Los Angeles is reporting the following: “Metrolink’s top spokesperson quit her job Monday in a dispute over how facts about Friday’s deadly train crash were made public. Denise Tyrrell said she had spoken with Metrolink’s chief executive and was authorized to release the basic facts of the investigation before announcing that the Metrolink driver ran a red light on the line shared by Union Pacific freighters.” Reading between the lines, it’s a little easier to see that Tyrrell felt that the CEO of MetroLink had okayed what she was to say. Did she misunderstand? Did she say more than she was authorized to say? Is MetroLink throwing her under the bus (or the train, as it were)?

Here is the email Tyrrell sent to local news media:

As a result of yesterday’s closed session Metrolink board meeting as well as follow-up statements that have made by Metrolink board members to the press – I have resigned my position at Metrolink.

Although the NTSB is miffed, there is a very good reason for Metrolink to state that our engineer ran a red light – it was the truth. Apparently, the NTSB is more interested in observing antique protocol than informing the public.

Metrolink had an opportunity to be brave and honest with the public – and they blinked.

Denise Tyrrell
former spokesperson for Metrolink
currently looking for a new job.